Sarcastic remarks overheard

“Sarcasm” is the poetry of choice for young people in the 21st Century. Following is a list of remarks my wife and I overheard.

Enjoy!

Overheard in a lunch room:

• This isn’t an office; it’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• I pretend to work; they pretend to pay me.
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• How do I set my laser printer to stun?
• I can please only one person per day. Today is NOT your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking too good either.
• Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number two?
• I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted a paycheck.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• I love deadlines. I especially enjoy the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
• Around here, accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
• I don’t have an attitude problem; YOU have a perception problem.
• I don’t suffer from stress; I’m a carrier.
• Chaos, panic, and disorder – my work here is done.
• Well, today was a total waste of make-up!
• A woman’s favorite position is CEO.

Overheard in a bar:

• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.
• Whatever look you were going for, you missed it.
• My philosophy? Hear no evil; see no evil; date no evil.
• I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
• Not all men are annoying; some are dead.
• A date? No thanks. Besides, I’m not your type; I’m not inflatable.
• Why am I staring? I’m just trying to imagine you with a personality.
• Do you realize that you have an MTV mind in a TicTok world?
• Pardon me, but does this train of thought have a caboose?
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• It isn’t the size . . .[pause]. . . no, it’s the size.
• Too many freaks and not enough circuses.
• Macho law prevents me from admitting I’m wrong.
• Nice cologne, but must you marinate in it?
• Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
• My digital date meandered to a different drummer.
• Did I mention the kick in the groin you’ll be receiving if you don’t get lost?
• You think I’m getting smart with you? How would you know?
• I’d explain it to you but your brain would explode.
• Needing a guy is like needing a parachute: If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

Overheard at McDonald’s: I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?

Overheard at a cash register: Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Food for thought (and laughs).

The McGuffeys